My Personal Renaissance
When I was in high school, I viewed education as an annoying milestone I had to pass in order to start my life. I never took it seriously and never put forth any effort. School became a social setting for me instead of a learning forum. I would wake up every day not to learn, but to socialize with my friends and plan the weekend ahead. I would show up late and sometimes never show up at all. I would hardly turn in my work or turn it in weeks later than the actual due date. I failed more than three classes and the classes I did pass were usually only a percent above a failing grade. In the reading “I, Pencil” by Leonard Read, I looked at the way I felt about education then and compared it to all the parts that go into making a pencil. My education was the basis or the tree that made part of the pencil. I was only one part of an entire process I couldn’t see or understand. When I finally and barely graduated high school, I felt lost. I had no idea that the milestone I was so eager to pass would leave me feeling more lost and confused than I ever have before.
During my senior year, I applied to four colleges on three factors and three factors only. First, the idea of wanting the “fun college experience,” second, to make my parents happy, and third, not being judged by my peers. I had heard so much about the college parties and living on your own that the idea truly motivated me to want to further my education. Even though I didn’t want to go for any educational purposes at all. My parents are both well educated with good paying jobs. My mom majored in accounting and is now the athletic director of a prestigious private neighborhood in Park City. My dad majored in finance and is now a lawyer and partner at a top law firm in Salt Lake. I often felt my parents would only feel proud of me if I was as successful or more so than them. This idea I conjured in my head made me believe I needed to go to college and further my education to make my parents happy. I also thought that if I didn’t go to college my peers would judge me. Everyone I was close to was going to a decent college and already had in mind what they wanted to major in. All these factors put together finally made me decide to go to college at Utah State University.
When I got to Utah State I was so excited to move into my apartment, go to the college football games, and most of all go to my first college party. The one thing I was dreading, was school. As the weeks went by, I experienced living on my own, going to football games and going to college parties. I hardly went to class and never turned in any of my work. I started to feel exactly how I did in high school. I relate this to the reading of “Mike LeFevre: Steel Worker” by Studs Terkel. LeFevre felt that his job of pulling steel was pointless because he never saw what his steel was being used for. I couldn’t see what my education was being used for or what future use it had in who I wanted to become. I was over the things I was initially excited for and didn’t see a point in being in college anymore. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I wanted to be. I bounced around ideas in my head about what kind of job and lifestyle I would want. Everything from journalism to owning my own vineyard were things I thought of. I started drinking every day and partying my emotions and thoughts away. This led to me feeling depressed and disconnected from everyone in my life. I figured that at least after a semester or two of college I would finally be happy and know what I want. I could not have been more wrong.
Epicurus once said, “A prudent man, in order to secure his tranquility, will consult his natural disposition in the choice of his plan of life.” I didn’t know what my natural disposition was until I came home for Christmas from Utah State in 2016. When I came home, I had to tell my parents that I had failed two classes, dropped one and passed my English class with a B-. I was dreading the conversation I was about to have with them remembering all the similar ones I had with them in high school. As I was thinking of exactly what to say and what excuses to come up with, I realized something that I had never realized before, there is no excuse. I had the same opportunities as every other college student at Utah State. I had the opportunity to go to class. I had the opportunity to turn in my work on time. I had the opportunity to learn and further my education. I am the one who chose not to take advantage of the opportunities that were right in front of me. This realization led to another realization to another. I realized that I am the only person standing in the way of what I truly want. I realized that I do want an education for myself and that this feeling isn’t based on anyone else but me. I realized that my natural disposition all along was that I wanted to be successful and get an education not because my parents or peers wanted me to, but because I wanted too.
I took a couple days to digest all of this information and thoroughly think about how I wanted to present all of this to my parents. During these couple days, I also came to see that Utah State was not the place I wanted to further my education. I knew that I wanted to be home with my family so I could focus on learning and not get back into partying and drinking. I looked into Salt Lake Community College and saw that it seemed like a perfect fit for me. I finally got the courage to tell my parents everything I had discovered and realized over the last couple days. To my surprise, my parents were completely supportive. I told them that this is something I have never been so sure about in my life. I finally know what I wanted and how to get it. Of course, my parents were a little skeptical and needed me to prove to them that I was serious. So I made them a deal that if I didn't make good grades my first semester, I would find something else to do with my life.
That first semester at Salt Lake Community College, I received straits A’s. My parents nor myself have ever been so proud of something I did. That first semester also made me realize that I want to major in business. I took a business 1010 course and fell in love with every concept of business and knew it was a world I wanted to be a part of. I have learned that business is a pecuniary activity meaning it is based on profit-seeking and ambition. This idea just reassured me that I am on the right path. I have finally started putting forth the effort to learn and enjoy learning overall. I don’t wake up every day to socialize and have little meaning in what I do, I wake up to learn and be successful.